For many years I was a Play Therapist, working with children and families.
Many of the children had experienced abuse of some form and often it was very severe.
People would comment that I must be some sort of angel to work with people in so much pain, but that was not the way I experienced it. For me, to be alongside someone as they went through that journey was utterly inspiring.
To be with someone so courageous who had been so hurt who could still trust me and move towards healing was the greatest gift I could be given; and the joy we both felt at each breakthrough was absolutely amazing.
I stopped because the organisation I worked for ceased to be able to attract funding. In spite of the changes clients experience and their increased quality of life, this is difficult to quantify. The work is slow and painstaking and in the age of quick fixes, it is not the most popular choice for funders with increasing demand for their resources.
In many ways I agree; therapy is unneccesary for the vast majority of people, coaching is far more appropriate; and years spent looking back at pain (which is what therapy is perceived to be) is never going to be the most effective way forward for any other than a few people.
It was not the work, but living with the uncertainty about my job security that pushed me into working for myself and a change of direction.
I figured that I would have the same amount of responsibilty but could control my own life far more effectively than handing that to other people.
It didn't turn out quite like that though.
I found working alone horribly isolating and hated marketing my services. The things I was required to do went completely against everything I had known working in large and small charities.
I had absorbed the ethos that to promote oneself is in some way selling out to the devil. Never mind all those limiting beliefs about what I was worth (charities don't pay well in spite of the massive expertise they hold).
There were so many new things that I had to do, many of which were totally outside my comfort zone. Now I am all for extending our boundaries but there comes a point when we have to admit that it would be better for someone else to do this or that job. After many years honing my expertise like a precious jewel, this one was hard for me to swallow.
I felt at the same time that some of these tasks were beneath me, since they "should" be easy and that therefore I had no talent, since I couldn't do them.
Struggling with my computer and the ways of thinking I was required to use drove me demented and anyway I was bored by these jobs too and that demotivated me; so I went round and round in circles castigating myself for my ineffectiveness. Which just meant I did less "real work".
Never mind, I wasn't having any fun, what with the guilt and the ever sinking self esteem.
Somehow and mostly thanks to my partner, i managed to pull myself out of this mire and to begin again to recognise my beautiful gifts.
I have many talents which people do recognise (if I just let them see) and they are willing to pay handsomely for them.
I have been able to attract someone who is acting as an agent for my business coaching work using Wealth Dynamics and someone else who is helping me to produce products explaining Wealth Dynamics.
At the same time I am returning to my old skills and creating Play Days for adults, not as therapy, as fun and they are creating lots of attraction.
It's been quite a journey and one in which I have had to really confront myself.
Having been the expert for so many years had meant I was never questioned, never needed to examine what I was doing or why.
Answering these questions is good for us all, even if it means we face a few demons along the way.
And although I don't believe that navel gazing in itself is useful, if we apply the insights it gives us and don't just use it as an opportunity to wallow in our situation, it can move us forward brilliantly.
So, thanks to quite a bit of looking inward I became able to look out again; to create a plan and to carry it through and now I have a thriving and varied paractice and people around to support me.
What more could anyone ask?
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